I'm not gonna be able to walk tomorrow

the first week of a new program is always brutal. I'm not sure if it's this way for everyone but it is for me. tuesday night I did some bulgarian split squats, pushups, flat db presses, pull throughs (I hate pull throughs!!!), cable rows, ab wheel roll outs and a barbell complex. overall I didn't think it was anything over the top. nothing too crazy. I've done all these things before. but not recently. everytime I had to get up from my chair yesterday I had to get some momentum going and basically jump out of the chair because otherwise the pain would have kept me sitting all day. mind you, I was at a seminar all day yesterday and in order to stay awake I had to get up and move. as a side note, an older lady at my table was astonished to know that I'd finish a gallon of water in the time we were stuck together. astonished might not be the right word actually. I think she was horrified. crazy crazy world we live in. ok back to training. so I'm having a hard time moving about yesterday and today was just as bad. so I go in to do day 2 of the program. I do some bench pressing, hip stretching, rack pulling (like I'm not in enough pain!) head supported db rowing (like I need to look like a bigger asshole!) 1 arm db pressing, side plank rowing (PAIN!) and then comes the kicker. the leg matrix: 24 squats, 12 front lunges - each leg, 12 jump lunges - each leg and 12 squat jumps. I have never done jump lunges so I asked one of the trainers walking around. I said, so I actually go into a lunge? thinking I'm just supposed to jump and sort of split my legs or whatever. so he says yea you go into the lunge and he looked at my program and said, that's why he said yes you will hate me (thanks tony!!). to which I replied, oh I hate him anyways regardless of the lunges. I don't think my legs have ever burned like they did tonight. sweet baby jesus I think I went blind from the pain. so that is why I will not be able to walk tomorrow. and you know saturday's going to be worse. I'll be rolling myself right on up into CP.

I forgot

to wish anna good luck tomorrow and wednesday with her exams, though I know she'll do great.

195

no, that's not what I weigh though that's what I feel like right now. tonight I had to do tb deadlift clusters. 6 sets of 4x1 and I worked up to 195. as I've stated before, I'm not the strongest girl ever but I'm impressed with myself being able to deadlift 195 lbs. I also want to say that this was done with a tattoo that's two days old that runs from my boob to my hip and hurts like hell. not to mention is all swollen. I contemplated not training today but I sucked it up and did it and I'm really happy I did. I'm off to do laundry and catch up on some tv. good night!

waiting tables

just a quick post here before I go to bed. I wait tables on monday nights at a place in cambridge and I'm pretty sure I've written about some of my biggest pet peeves from customers. but just to highlight my most hated two: water with no ice, are you fucking kidding me??? why? is all I want to know. I have super sensitive teeth and actually prefer room temperature water but I will never ever ever send water back because I want no ice. and flagging the waitress down. I have personally gotten up and found my waiter or asked someone else to find them because they suck and decided to disappear on me but I will never flag someone down. I don't even like flagging cabs down. I hate that shit. its ignorant and tonight I got both. so I not only wanted to throw ice water in this dudes face, I also wanted to stab a girl in her hand. but what salvaged the night was the fighting couple. after overhearing their conversation I'm not even sure if they were a couple (he was tired of chasing her, to which she replied you've never chased me). they were so awesome and they absolutely HATED each other. which I'm sure sucked for them. but it was great for me and my manager. I'm pretty sure this is just another reason on the list of why I'll be alone forever because I take too much joy in other people's misery. just random people though, not peeps I know. other than Pete. I like making him miserable, though I'm not sure I've completely succeeded in that yet.
I don't know how the fighting started but I brought them water and they were fine, I went back to get their order and you could almost see the hate emitting from them both. and she was a complete bitch to get her order from because she didn't want to talk to him about the order which made me have to stand there while he was pulling words from her mouth. (he asked do you want mushrooms, she said whatever. whatever you want, while sighing really loud). she actually said at one point, I can't deal with your shit right now, to which I ran away and giggled. and she then put her hood of her sweatshirt on when she was done ordering. so great. it was like christmas for me. anyways, that's all. I'm off to take care of this fucking tattoo that hurts like hell and go to bed.

giving thanks

yes this should have been posted yesterday but I was being lazy and just getting around to it today. I can say with certainty that the people pictured up above are the only people that could make my ass get out of bed at 6:30 am on thanksgiving morning (after getting home at 1:30) to travel 45 minutes to lift weights - notice the lack of PETE in this picture. I didn't think I'd make it out there. wednesday night is the biggest drinking night of the year, and you all know how I love to drink. but this year was different. maybe I'm getting older. maybe it was the arc trainer intervals I did earlier in the evening. whatever it was, I didn't leave the house until 10:30 and didn't drink much and I had it in the back of my mind that I HAD to make it to hudson in the a.m. because I knew I'd be missing out on something good if I didn't go.
so the alarm goes off at 6:30 and I want to roll back over and go to sleep but I get up and think please please please let me find a coffee shop open. starbucks in davis happens to be open. I order an iced americano with an extra shot, not knowing that an extra shot brings me up to 5 shots of espresso. I tell them no no no. I will have a heart attack if I have 5 shots and a spike on top of that. so you know, 4 shots and a spike 40 minutes later is just fine. I walk into CP through the back door expecting everyone to already be warming up, and there's nobody there. tony's car is there so I know I wasn't being fooled into thinking there's a training session happening - not that training at 8 am on thanksgiving is EVER a joking matter - so I go to the bathroom and come back to a full house. steph did not believe I'd be in (who could blame her) and everyone else could have cared less.
everyone who reads this blog knows how yesterday went - except PETE because he wasn't there - so I'm not gonna repeat the story. suffice it to say, it was one of the best training sessions I've ever had. it was one of those rare moments in life that you're surrounded by people that you actually really want to be with, doing exactly what you want to be doing and all around just having a good time. I don't throw this word around often, or at all really, but I truly feel blessed to have everyone at CP in my life. my life has changed so much for the better since I've been coming out to hudson and I love all of you for it.
thank you all for the best thanksgiving morning I could have ever imagined.

and not to be outdone by the gun show above, here's who really dominated CP yesterday.


oh and pete, I realize you're the vp and all, but you're not allowed to come next year since this is now tradition and your "flu" kept you away this year. hope everyone had a great holiday. see you all in the morning!

one of the reasons I hate scla

it should go without saying that I dislike most of the trainers at scla but there's one particular girl who irritates the shit out of me. I have never once seen her train a client in a squat rack, though that goes for 95 % of the trainers there. this girl, and I have no idea what her name is because you know I'd call her out, trains specifically only on the smith machine and the cable machine. so tonight was no different, why should it be?? so I'm about to start doing my trap bar clusters and I set it up to warm up and here she comes with this really tall dude and she immediately goes to the smith machine. I happened to be set up in front of it so I moved down. this is me being nice and CONSIDERATE. something that is foreign to everyone in that fucking gym. she then has this tall dude do some move that involves his feet up on the stability ball thing and crunch his body up into like a V, I can't really explain it. but she has him do it RIGHT BESIDE MY TRAP BAR. this dudes head is literally right where the tb sticks out. so I wait for him to be done. but this move is way too hard for him to do and is taking him forever. so here's where I say fuck it. and continue on my training way. if this dude gets hit in the head with my trap bar, that's nobodies fault but his own for hiring a shithead trainer. needless to say, she moved. I'd like to believe she realized that the exercise was too advanced for him but that would mean she had an iota of common sense and I just doubt that's the case.
I hate that fucking gym.

three more things:
1: is there any kind of need for christmas music to be playing right now. I'm pretty sure I actually heard it playing as early as 11/1. fucking ridiculous. I don't want to say I hate christmas. but I really really don't like christmas. it's depressing to me. It makes me think of my nana and how she's not here anymore and that makes me depressed.
2: I'm changing my training hours at cp to coincide with the non-high school baseball players. looking at cute dudes will make the ridiculous things tony makes me do more enjoyable.
3: that bitch catherine not only didn't come out to cp on saturday, she's now ignoring my emails. bitch.
thats all. good night!

I swore I wouldn't do it again

but I just booked my flight to d.c. for next week for ryan's second bootcamp graduation, with the family. my only consolation is that I'm flying there and back by myself. ryan is so proud of himself and what he's accomplished that I can't skip it. I also can't believe what I just spent on an hour and a half flight but I am not going to dwell on that right now.
what I will dwell on and talk about is my FAVORITE person at CP! this is her below. Oh how I love catherine. she's the only person who can call me a pussy for doing ghr's with a step and won't get punched. maybe if she actually shows up on saturdays I'd tell her in person.

yet another

I have another funeral to go to at the end of the week sometime. on the left, standing up, is Kevin Hobart. he crashed his motorcycle friday night and died. he was 30 years old and while he was a fuck up in most ways imaginable, he was such good good kid at heart. he would give you the shirt off his back, granted it was probably someone else's shirt and he probably owed that person money for the shirt but he'd give it to you nonetheless. I'm gonna miss him.

the dating gods hate me

I'm honestly not even gonna explain that title, just know it's true and I'm about to give up.
SO! as of right now, a total of 297 trojans (HA!), rootkits and spyware have been found and removed from my computer. thank the love of christ for my friend frankie, who is the one removing said crap from the computer. I promise not to steal anymore free music. and no, I'm not looking at porn online. though I might as well have been with all that shit on there. and he's not even done with the scan so more shit might be on there still. damn.
this morning I decided to drive into work for no other reason than I was running late and still needed to stop and get coffee. now I am your typical boston driver. I am a madwoman behind the wheel. the maine state police would agree with that statement too. anyways, the ride in was just another reminder of my hatred of scooters/mopeds. I HATE them. I want to run them all over. and they are everywhere these days. other than the fact that they're slow as shit, I hate when they cut through traffic. they should not be allowed to do it. if I'm stuck sitting in fucking traffic so should they. assholes.
I also really hate halloween. it's my least favorite day of the year. I hate dressing up and I don't want to on friday. but it's mandatory at work to dress up. I have said I hate halloween atleast 10 times a day for the past two weeks and I might incorporate into every sentence I say from now until friday. stupid fucking day.

hello cruel world

have you all missed me? you may have been wondering where I've been or if the hate went away. no fear. I'm still here. I have a virus on my computer at home and can't get online to blog and I've had a lot to blog about. let's start with the virus. I don't know how I got it but it came from either my mom or my sister because we all got it. except their computers are fine now. I call mcafee like they did, can't get online so they can't help me. I get anti-virus software to fix it, can't use it because I can't get online. are you seeing the trend here. I'm about to throw the fucking computer out the fucking window. thankfully my friend frankie said he just went through the same hell a couple of weeks back and he's gonna try to help me. let's hope it works because I need to be able to get on the computer. 

I hate luggage on wheels that everyone and their fucking mother has to take on the redline. it should be like bikes, they shouldn't be allowed on the train in rush hour time. that's what fucking cabs are for bitches. I take the train to and from south station, which is where the silver line to the airport is. so there's always people and their fucking luggage and they're like people with baby carriages, thinking they have the right of way and taking up all the space and being slow. get the fuck out of the way assholes. 

ok, I gotta get off jason's computer and pay his bills. and possibly get another tattoo. 

and can matt cassel just throw the fucking ball man. I miss tb

it's a sad world we live in

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/sweating_with_the_sharks/page1

steph told me about this article and it's so spot on. I honestly can't believe this is where I train. the only consolation is that I do not belong to any of those groups they are describing. which may just make me a sad pathetic person in general, but I'm not there for that bullshit, I'm there to train. and yes, I do have a big crush on one of the dudes that goes there. but I haven't talked to him and don't plan on it.
my heads going to explode with a sinus/tooth infection so I'm going back to bed. I'll blog more later

fuck manny ramirez

I didn't like him when he was here. I don't like him even more now that he's not and wants to talk shit. go bay! that's all I gotta say

I am a rockstar

because... I have a video on tony's blog. I'd hyperlink it, but the only people who read this blog know tony too, so I'm sure it's no surprise. and I dont' know how to hyperlink. I made those lunges look easy bitches, but they weren't. the video makes it look like I should have added more weight, but that shit was hard. anyways, my mom thinks tony's funny. I do not think tony's funny. let me explain. so for the past two nights I've trained at scla I forgot my program at home. and those who know the story of the douche at scla who wouldn't help me out the last time I forgot my program, knows that I was pissed with myself for forgetting it. and yea, I forgot it twice. but god dammit if I was gonna go home and not train. so I call my mom to log onto my email. after about 15 minutes of her trying to figure out how to download the program she starts reading me off week three's training. Box Squats 5x2. and in the comments DON'T BE A PUSSY. which my mom reads off and proceeds to crack up laughing. for like five minutes. real cute tony. real fucking cute. jerk. and you know what? I wasn't a pussy. for not having a spot and doing them at stupid scla and not cp, where I somehow become she-ra, I squatted pretty heavy. I'm sure not heavy in your eyes, but in mine it was pretty heavy. not tina kim heavy. but michelle heavy. so there.

p.s. I hate cottage cheese. I'm gonna dedicate a whole blog to how much I hate hate hate cottage cheese. but I need to go to bed. so look for it on saturday, which is when I have to eat it again. fucking cottage cheese

thug life

if you haven't seen pineapple express, you must go out right now and see it. at the very least rent it immediately when it comes out on dvd. I'd let you borrow my copy that I am going to buy, but I'll be busy watching it.

my baking days are over

for those of you who don't know, I moved about a month ago. into my own apartment. after five years of living with three plus other people it was time to go and I got a sweet deal on a one bedroom apartment in east cambridge. or what I thought was a sweet deal. because of course there's always gotta be a catch. like the two fucking maniac children that live upstairs from me. that I swear as soon as the sun rises they leap out of their beds and then proceed to play tag throughout the apartment until their bedtime. every goddamn day. seven days a week. sleep in? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure their parents get in on the game of tag as well, because you know, four year olds can't possibly weigh that much for it to sound like elephants are coming through my ceiling. and if anyone has ever wondered where I get my attitude from, my mom was here last week and said she was gonna go upstairs and punch the mother in the mouth for letting her kids run around like that. apple doesn't fall far from the tree people.
ok, kids aside my real issue is that my oven is from the 1950's. I'm not lying. I googled it. and lord knows google doesn't lie. 1950's bitches! it has a heater on one side and the oven on the other. the stovetop lights when it wants to and it takes a good 30 minutes to pre-heat. seriously? yea, seriously. so I thought I'd change things up and eat healthy tonight. so I'm cooking some chicken for my salad. cooking it for a fucking hour! I just got done eating at 10:30 because it took that long to cook a piece of goddamn chicken. serves me right.
my real issue though is my baking. I bake like it's my job. hell, it should be my job. I am a kickass baker. I put kickass cupcakes to shame. not petsi's though. that lady is a baking genius and I want to be her! (if you aren't aware of petsi pies, I suggest going there. PHENOMENAL!)
so if it takes an hour to cook chicken imagine how long it will take to cook cupcakes and breads and cookies. this is a sad sad world we live in when I can't bake. I don't even eat the baked goods I make, I share. I'm a good sharer. so everyone better find a new baker cuz no more whoopie pies for you. I will cry now. good night.

silver lining

by rilo kiley is what I'm listening to right now (I'm taking a cue from steph's blog right now).

and my hero is Nancy LeBlanc, who not only got her locksmith friend to make me a key that actually WORKS for my car, she drove it down to redbones this afternoon (technically yesterday afternoon). and I can't even convey my appreciation to her. thank you thank you thank you Nancy.

so every once in a while life works in your favor and I'm so happy today was my day.

random acts of stupidity

before I sully up my trip to chicago with alot of hate I just want to say that it was so great to see my brother. he looks so good. he dropped 20 pounds and the navy haircut wasn't as bad as I was expecting and it actually makes him look both younger and older at the same time. don't ask me to explain that, it just is that way. that's a picture of him and his girlfriend, who I love and was my saving grace on this trip.

that being said... sweet jesus up above I don't know how I survived that trip. honestly, I think I took atleast ten years off my life from the shear aggrivation of just everyone and everything about my trip. traveling with family does not suit me. my dad made me crazy. I feel bad even saying that because he's sick and has no short term memory and is like an alzheimers patient at the age of 51 but man, I thought I was gonna throw myself in front of all the god forsaken traffic in chicago. right off the bat there's a family fight in the airport because my dad wants breakfast and we dont' have time to stop. he has a thing about having bacon and eggs everyday and if he doesn't get it he's pissed. like locking my mom out of the house pissed. so because we don't have time to stop for goddamn bacon and eggs, we're all assholes. so we get to chicago and by that point we're all starving. I'm pretty sure the people of Zion, IL only eat mcdonalds and burger king because other than that, the choices for food were pretty goddamn slim.

and guess what else they don't have in that neck of the woods of IL? foam rollers! I made a hasty retreat to the gym the first night and I dont' know if it was my accent or they're really stupid, but the dude at golds gym looked at me like I had seven heads when I asked if they had foam rollers. he even asked the manager, she was a cute one, she didn't know what they were either. and I was too aggrivated to explain it.

I'm not gonna bore you with the rest of the details of my trip, just know that there's also no ice coffee in the city of zion and we did some touristy stuff in chicago. which is a city I definitly need to go back to without the family.

now the real hate. NORTHWEST FUCKING AIRLINES BLOWS. and so does Avis rental car for that matter. we flew back to boston on sunday morning at 7 am. which meant we left the hotel at 4:30 to get to the airport and to return our rental car. this bitch at avis tells me I didn't go through the right process to return the car, so I get back in the fucking car and drive literally 50 feet to the check in for them to tell me to go back to the lady and get my receipt. really? was it honestly necessary for me to do all that? and in the process miss the bus back to the airport. fine. fine fine fine. I go back to the lady who then tells me I didn't go to the right guy. that's when I started swearing and that's when she promptly took the keys and gave me my receipt. I then get accosted by some lady's perfume. IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING. who are you trying to impress with all the fucking perfume? I had to move away from her because I instantly got a headache. ok, we get on the flight to detroit, because of course we have a layover, total turbulance the whole 47 minutes. poor jenny hates flying and cried and held my hand the whole way. (I can be nice when I want to) we connect to the boston flight, everythings fine. UNTIL my baggage comes through. upside down. soaking wet. the pocket zipper wide open. contents GONE. what contents you ask? all my mac makeup. jenny's keys. and my only fucking house and car key. GONE. did I mention they were my only keys. yes wiseasses of the world I realize I'm the asshole for not ever making a copy of said keys but really I don't need that thrown in my face right now. I go to the baggage issue people and report my problem and they have nothing to offer me. they called someone, who knows who, but they didn't have my keys. shocking, I know. luckily my landlord had an extra set of house keys, because honestly if I had to go home with my parents I wouldn't be alive to write this right now.

and that in a nutshell sums up my whole trip and really my life in general. I am stupid. I do stupid things and now I have no car. I have no car to get to cp on saturday. I have no car to get to my waxing appointment tomorrow. I have no car to get to my dentist appointment on saturday. I guess the one upside of this all is that I also have no car to get to jason's to do his bookkeeping and no car to get to visit the family this weekend.

random thursday thoughts

I'm about to head to the airport to go to my brothers navy graduation in Illinois so I wanted to leave some love for you all before I go. and by love I really mean random hate.

why do people order water with no ice in a restaurant? I mean I have sensitive teeth too but not so much that ice in my water is going to kill me. I literally had one kid tell me he was allergic to ice. he thought he was being funny. he got the michelle look. he stopped thinking he was funny right away. jackass.
and this is why I'm a terrible waitress. Ihate stupid shit. you know right off the bat what you're gonna be dealing with for the rest of the night when someone orders water with no ice. assholes. those who know me, know that if I don't like you, you know it IMMEDIATELY. there's nothing fake about me, I can't hide my feelings. sometimes people appreciate that about me, but for the most part its lost on everyone. and you would think that as much as I hate people, I'd hate waiting on them. but I actually like waiting tables. or I should say, in the right setting I like doing it. I don't think cambridge is the right setting for me. too many uppity bitches.

I thought I had more hate to spread today, but I'm drawing a blank. I haven't had my coffee yet, that might be it. I'm sure I'll have plenty more to blog about when I get back from chicago.

but before I go I wanted to say Congratulations to Brian on getting engaged. I realized after I left CP on saturday that I didn't even mention it to him and I felt like an ass. so yea, good luck buddy. having a girlfriend in connecticut's not the same as living with them in the same house forever, but who am I to talk with my perpetual singleness?
seriously, I'm really happy for you and the mystery woman.

and thank you to tony and eric who I kept at CP until 8:30 last night while I trained. though I do believe tony is trying to kill me with this program. here's two of the medley's he wants me to do

Medley: Bike (30 sec), DB Push Press (10), Clap Push-Ups (5), Jump Squats (10), Elbow Touch Plank (5 per).
Medley: 1-Arm Farmers Walks, Recoiled Med Ball Throws, Burpees, Keg Press, Sled Push

the first medley is supposed to take place at SCLA. and why he thinks I can do clap push ups is beyond my comprehension. and keg presses? really I'd like to press the keg into his face.

and lastly, Pete, Catherine and Steph all love Ryan Montbleau! and I love you three!!

ahh, what a refreshing way to end a blog. with some love. I hope chicago's ready for some hate because you know the love ain't gonna last long
don't miss me too much!!!

why you'll always be fat

I work in boston, in a not so many floored building and what drives me the most crazy is the bitches who take the elevator to the first and second floor. it's always the fatties too. honest to god people, do you realize that if you can't atleast climb the stairs for a floor or two you'll always be fat?? christ. I realize I should be climbing the stairs too, but five flights first thing in the morning is a bit much. I'm usually lugging a heavy ass bag on my back and carrying two ice coffees, so going up five floors isn't my ideal way to start the day.

so you may have noticed I haven't updated this in a bit, but I've been away in maine. where the saying is: Maine, the way life should be. and I agree. goddamnit if I don't love maine. I'm not sure if I'd ever live there, but my friends house in on a 2o mile lake and you do nothing but eat, drink and be merry. yes, this girl here was in fact merry. for days on end. the only thing that pissed me off all weekend was my friends dog barking, and then I just put my ipod on and went on being merry. maybe I should live in maine...

side note, tonight at 6:30 there had to be atleast 50 people on the weight floor, I was not one of them because I just got out of a spin class, but the only girl there was donning a set of pink dumbbells. ok, I think they were blue, but you get my point. it's a sad state of affairs that we live in today....

AND tony and eric won't be at cp this weekend, so either I skip cp, which will mean three weeks not there or I skip my 4th week of the program and not do my 1 RM of trap bar deadlifts. because honestly, if they aren't there to witness my awesomeness, does it really even happen?

shit, you know it does! but it's always better when tony witnesses it. eric I'm sure notices my awesomeness all the time

what the fuck?

I have a partner for smelly hand dude. his name is smelly ass dude. he frequents magoun saloon in somerville and looks like michael bolton. not even joking here. anyways this dude will be sitting at the bar and will just let one rip. he usually does it when the door opens so the breeze will blow his stink throughout the bar. again, not even remotelyjoking. this guy is so foul it's amazing to me someone hasn't knocked him out. it's a known fact that the shitty smell is coming from this dude and nothing ever has been done. the owner, I believe, has spoken to him about it but he still persists in funking up the joint and the owner says he can't kick him out for that reason alone. why the fuck not? what good is it to own your own damn bar if you can't kick people out. I'm usually too busy gagging to do anything about it. but I am also not getting that close to him to actually say anything, let alone punch him. it might almost be worth it to throw up on him though. how great would that be?

what the fuck is wrong with people???

I witnessed the grossest thing ever this morning at the gym, I literally had to clamp my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't spit my surge all over the place.first off, at 7:00 this morning, I was the only girl on the weight floor without a trainer. and all (three) of the women that were with trainers were on some form of cable machine. the whole time. so sad...ok, so I'm going about my program and of course because I have to do chest supported rows, suddenly all of scla has to do csr's. I normally never see anyone using this equipment and now it's all the rage! I'm sure people use it regularly and I just don't notice it because I'm not doing those at the time, but whatever. I needed the equipment and it's being hogged by some skinny dude, so I'm annoyed. so this skinny dude in his running shorts, you know the ones - mega short - gets off the csr machine and is walking about doing ridiculous stretches. I sit up from doing a db press and notice him in the mirror, with his hand completely down his shorts, rummaging around for all the world to see. and don't tell me about adjusting guys because I don't want to hear it. he then takes his hand out of his shorts and sniffs his hand. I shit you not. as I said above, I had a mouthful of surge at the time and it almost went everywhere. I then proceeded to crack up laughing. because that's what I do in ridiculous situations. smelly hand dude then proceeded to go around and touch just about every set of db's. and that's when I said to myself, I'm outta here. and here I am now, with the image stuck in my head of this retard smelling his nasty ass hand. seriously? what the hell is wrong with people?

as an aside, has anyone ever checked this out? http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/
so friggin funny. yes, it's about celebrities but it's hysterical. reminds me of me. she's a serious hater too. and she loves michael phelps. just like me! maybe we are twins separated at birth!check it out

I rock

just a short one tonight because I can honestly say that I'm too goddamn tired to hate right now. just wanted to let you all know that last night I did a 175 lb trap bar deadlift for 3 reps and this morning did a 90 lb bench press for 2 sets of 2 reps. you all may not think that's alot, but it's the heaviest I've ever done. so I'm pretty happy with myself.
oh, and stolen from healthworks tonight, Gravity Pilates class description: Looking for that lean and tone look without bulking up? that's all I'm gonna write on it because I know when tony reads this his head is gonna explode. I'll bring the paper with me on saturday though so tony can blog about it himself. ahh, good times.
I totally lied about being too tired to hate (you all know that wasn't true anyways). I hate taking flameout. the pills are huge and they are now stuck in my throat.
BUT I do love michael phelps. I dont' give a shit that he's 23 years old. he's adorable and has a hot ass body.
and I'm going to bed now with that though. toodles

omri and random hate thoughts

I'll get to omri in a minute, first off the weirdo guy that does db curls on the spin bike was at it again tonight. and to make it worse, he's in spandex shorts and a tank top. it wasn't a pretty site. both the outfit and the ridiculous curls he was doing on the bike. he then shows up in the weight area to do some "benching" on the smith machine, and the whole time he had his legs up in the air against the mirrors. really dude? bad enough you're using the smith machine, but now you're gonna put your feet up against the mirrors? such an asshole. and then his friend - dreadlocked white guy, also in spandex comes over to talk to him. whatever no big deal. except he's basically standing on top of me while I'm doing speed trap bar deadlifts. I just kept on doing what I was doing and didn't care if I hit him or not. he moved.
I would have totally appreciated the trainer asking me if I was using the cable machine tonight. if I wasn't holding db's in the air doing reverse lunges on the slide board. does it look like I'm using the damn cable machine. I guess the thought was there but really dude, how about you wait until I'm done doing my lunges? I think he just wanted to talk to me.
I was on the train tonight and got stuck beside this obnoxious woman who kept reassuring her fat daughter that marilyn monroe was a "perfect" size 13. when the fuck did a size 13 become perfect?? I thought the saying was a perfect size 6 or 8 or something like that?
which now leads me to omri. I have honestly met omri once. he seems like a nice little guy. I really don't have a problem with him. why would I? I've only met him once and I don't train with him. what I am beginning to get a little bonkers over is his comments in various blogs/forums. here are a few:
"I love the Cheesecake Factory– the familiar menu, the never-changing “specials,” the ginormous portions… You go in knowing what you plan on getting, you get it, you leave. Plus anyone who tells me the avocado egg rolls are bad (i dont care if they’re bad FOR you– I just need calories anyway) is a liar and is going straight to hell for it."
"I only started putting on the weight when Brian got me to scarf down every calorie i could find– bagels and all. So a high carb diet might be appropriate for me, whereas it might make another person fat and slow"

ok, I thought I had more of omri rubbing it in our faces that he NEEDS to put on weight, but I can't find anymore. anyways, really omri? do you need to gain weight? is that what you're trying to tell us? maybe I just read the comments too many times, or I'm just a fatty and am jealous but dude we get it. you're skinny and we're not. you can do freaky wall slide things in ec's article and we can't, you are great, we suck. hooray for you! not stop telling us how skinny you are for the love of christ. it's pissing me off. otherwise I don't have a problem with you.

seriously???

ec sent me this link today. I'm warning you before you click on it, it will fill you with such intense hatred, you will know what it's like to be me everyday.

http://www.netrition.com/cgi/newsprint.cgi?file=20080805115400_1

ok, now that you've read it. really.??? you're too fat to be executed? what else do you have to do in jail than workout? I mean, I've never been in jail, but I know peeps who have and there's nothing for you to do! and I know prison food isn't good. how are you so fat?? now I do know that you can like order snacks and all from the canteen, but really, how many snacks do you have to eat to be so grossly obese that it would be difficult to execute you?
and not to mention, who are his attorneys? their job really is to get a convicted rapist off death row by saying he's too grossly obese to be executed. give me a fucking break. these people have to just hate themselves. because if I was an attorney and this was my job, I'd just throw in the towel on life and call it a day.
I swear to god I've heard it all now.

spike bandwagon

I just read tony's new post on the t-nation forum and think that between me and him we could get serious commissions for talking up spike. oh, that's right. like 5 people read my blog.... whatevs.

oh how I love spike

I know I'm just saying what everyone already knows and thinks, but I love spike. today was my first spike in 16 days. 16 DAYS!!! how I missed it. and what I'm about to say is probably gonna make all of CP angry. but I also have lifted a weight in 16 days (which is why I also haven't written much, in case you all missed me and my hate). I have my reasons but they're just gonna come across as excuses so I'm not even gonna get into why I have been a slacker, but how I've missed training! so I drink my spike on my way to the gym and I immediately feel it and I know it's gonna be a good training day. first off, I was sweating before I even lifted a weight and first thing I do (after extensive warming up) is speed trap bar dead lifts. these might be my new favorite thing. I'm sure I was getting some looks doing them. and then I was really sweating. you all know how I sweat. it wasn't pretty. I'm thinking, even though tony said even he wouldn't do my insano program, I'm liking it. until I get to side planks with rows. never mind that they're ridiculously hard, but of course the two cable machines are being hogged by trainers. so one opens up, I do one set. then a dude takes the machine. fine, I'll ask if I can work in. can't do that, because he's too busy having a 15 minute conversation with someone else. I timed it. 15 minutes. no lie. he did one set in that whole time. so now I'm just too pissed to ask him to work in because I know I'm gonna say something like, since you're just standing here talking, mind if I actually do some work? and then I was even more pissed because I was really so happy to be back training. really I was. happy. me. just to be back training. (what have you turned me into tony?) and this dude was ruining it! AND THEN this other dude tried to steal my cable machine WHILE I WAS ON IT! no joke. I'm done on the ground, about to get into plank position and he goes to move the other arm and change the weight. so I say uh, hi, I'm still using this. I'm a big girl people. how do you miss someone on the ground in front of the damn machine? honest to god.
anyways, I finished the stupid planks and went on to stupid front loaded plate squats, or whatever the hell they're called. hard is what I call them. my legs are like jello. imagine if I didn't have the spike? I'd probably be dead. well probably not, because I rock but still...
btw, is anyone from t-nation reading this shit? I LOVE SPIKE. SEND ME SPIKE! only red though, the other kinds are gross.

and because it wouldn't be me without saying something mean... this morning I'm walking to the train station and there's this couple in front of me and they are homely as shit. I mean I guess ugly people need love too, but do we have to witness it? thank christ I'm not ugly.

I hate tony

really tony, 11:56 on my birthday and you decide to place a post saying happy birthday. don't think I didn't catch the sarcasm about being your favorite client ever either, because if I was, you would have texted or called or emailed or posted a happy birthday to me before 4 mintutes left in the goddamn day. the only people I like in all of CP right now are the girls and eric. thank you for the birthday wishes, I truly appreciate it.

tony, be expecting a punch in the throat.

I am stupid

I mean that pretty much goes without saying but while in maine this past weekend I thought I was some kind of daredevil and decided to try out the rope swing on horseshoe lake. and like my mother said, michelle you're not a kid anymore only kids go on rope swings, well the rope swing fucked me up! from what I've been told, because you know alcohol was involved in this decision, I slid down the rope swing instead of letting go, hitting every knot on the rope. I have two purple fingers and a green pinkie. they're not broke but they might as well be because this means I can't hold a goddamn weight in either hand. typing this is killing me. everytime I hit the enter or shift key I get shock through my right hand. I am some kind of piece of work.

two words

size matters

random hate

thought I'd jump on the random friday thoughts, but of course mine is going to be random hates in no particular order:

-people who get on the train before the people who need to get off actually get off the train. what the fuck people! the train is going nowhere until the people are off and you are on, what kind of rush are you in that you need to plow past everyone, just to get on? where are you going that's so important. maybe I need to go there too to see how great it is. I know for goddamn sure nobody is that excited to get to work in the morning, so calm the fuck down.

-skinny ass bitches weighing themselves at the gym. I'm not even gonna bitch about it, that line says it all.

-tony's new program for me. are you fucking serious tony??? what have I done in the past to lead you to believe I can do 80 pushups? I'm gonna be at the gym all goddamn night on that day.

-to the fat chick who works in the office at my gym, this is why i hate you: you are a fat bitch. everytime I see her I actually smile. because she's fat and I'm not. how in gods good name do you stay that fat working at a gym? when I worked there I was working out every goddamn day. if for no other reason than I hated my job and I needed to get away from my desk. but still, I was making an effort.

-the hot dude that I have a big crush on at scla. yes, I am that girl in this situation. I don't hate him so he shouldn't be on this list but he was in a suit and tie and glasses on the elevator and thats really all I can think of right now, so that's why he's here

-my asshole downstairs neighbor who doesn't have the balls to come out and say something to me about not closing the gate behind me when I come into the yard. I mean if I were her, I wouldn't have the balls to say anything to me either, but I'm just stating she's a pussy.

-per suggestion I am deleting this line. but just know that I hate loud typers and talkers

-pete who told me I suck earlier in the week. don't like you right now and you are not getting cupcakes tomorrow.

-my boss at emma's. who's just an ass and pissed me off last night.

ok, that's it for now. I have a date I gotta get ready for and need to de-hate so I don't scare him away.

hate free

is the way I be tonight. shocking, I know. but in six days my brother leaves for boot camp for the navy. and I can honestly say that I am heartbroken. I think in the long run that it will be the best thing for him. but right now I just can't get past the fact that my little brother is leaving us, for a long time. so instead of being angry, I'm just sad.

not one, but two

fucking benches stolen on me tonight at scla. fine, I can understand the first one, I only had my weights next to it, nothing else, but the second one I specifically asked this dude if he was using it and the weights that I was using to begin with. no he says. so I do my set of neutral grip incline db presses. I go to do my pull ups and next thing I know, the fucking dude's buddy is on my bench. common courtesy says that the guy I asked if he was using it should have told his friend that I was. oh, silly me, we're at scla. forgot for a minute. I understand how the gym works, if you walk away from a machine, it's free game. but this was not the only bench around! maybe I am asking too much for someone to have the courtesy to say someone's using that. dickhead.
and there was a girl doing db shoulder presses (pretty sure that's what they're called) while on the stationary bike. what is going on in the world that this stuff is acceptable.

why?

this is going to be short and obviously not so sweet.
I've been noticing this guy on one of the spin bikes (not in class tony) riding along, but while doing so, also hold like 20 pound dumbells doing something like flys while he's pedaling. it's not exactly flys, it looks like he's doing the no money drill but with dumbells. why is he doing this? it hurts my head to see him doing it. in any case, he looks like an asshole and as I walked by him tonight I just shook my head at him. which if you know the story with me, that's almost the worst thing you can do to me, call me whatever name you want, but shake your head in disgust and that might be the last time your head shakes like that. and trust me CP staff, you do it on saturday, I will hurt all of you. I can bet brian will be the only one to even try it, knowing he's my "fav" and thinking I won't hurt him. I'll still punch him, don't worry

pregnant people make me nauseous

this is probably the only time I'm going to apologize for my personal views, mostly because I know some of my readers have kids, so I'm sorry for the forthcoming rant. but really, pregnant people make me nauseous. I have known since I've been ten that I dont' want kids. I don't understand why anyone wants children honestly. they grow up to be fuckers. this all stems from a lady at the gym last night who not only was wearing big ass sunglasses in the weight area, who not only had on flip flops, who not only was doing some ridiculous move with 5 lb dumbells, but was doing all this wearing a tight ass tank top and was atleast 8 months pregnant. I'd almost forgive all the ridiculous shit she was doing if she just had a normal t-shirt on, but no a tank top was what she felt like wearing. if I was a normal, child loving person I'd say, yay for you! you're pregnant! but I'd still say, put some fucking clothes on. because nobody wants to see that shit.
again, sorry to all the children loving/having people. dont' mean to offend you guys, because I actually like you. the rest of the world, I hate.

crackheads, crutches and cockroaches

yea, I said cockroaches bitches! no lie, I leave the gym tonight and get on the redline at park street and see this guy in front of my hop to the right so I look down and there's a cockroach the length of my palm scurrying along the ground. no shit. I'm so not girly but I HATE bugs. so I immediately screech like a little girl and run for my life. I'm still fucking itchy and freaked out. I'm going to be having dreams about that fucker tonight. christ.

I'm totally going backwards here. so before I get on the redline I have to walk through boston common, which is crackhead central. there's a c.h. chick walking towards me muttering about how she's going to snap. so I steer clear of her and right behind her I find out why she's going to snap. another c.h. whining, but why didn't you tell me donna. over and over again. and then the bitch ended up at the harvard stop with me. I don't know how that happened because she wasn't moving fast enough to get to the train in time. I am cursed I tell you.
I hate crackheads. sweet baby jesus do I hate crackheads.

so yea, there were two guys on crutches at the gym tonight. I've never seen anyone on crutches at the gym. ever. normally I'd say wow, they're really dedicated to their training. but this ain't cressey performance people. this is scla. and they're just assholes for being at the gym on crutches. I think someone's looking for some sympathy. and I don't have any for them

totally unrelated, but all is forgiven eric for not putting me on the powerpoint on sunday, if only because you said I was the wind beneath your wings and I personally know that cp wouldn't be the same without me. so, you know, no special thanks needed...
and pete, don't hate. because I can already hear you bitching that I let eric off too easily.

have a happy 4th everyone!!

tony gave me homework yesterday, which was to start this blog and normally I'd tell him to screw but I have some time before the big 21st century nutrition and exercise for women seminar so I thought I'd jot down some random thoughts for today.

first, if someone's having a seizure in the gym, for the love of christ people, give her space and don't gawk at her. go about your business. if that was you, would you want to be stared at? I doubt it.
second, you why can't you use chalk in the gym? are you really worried about the mess chalk is going to make. that's fucking ridiculous.

mostly this blog is going to be me ranting about sports club la. because the people who go there are idiots as are most of the trainers. and yes, I could go to another gym, but I'm pretty sure I'd find the same shit happening everywhere. and for those that say well if you don't like it don't go. you obviously don't lift weights like I do and need to be punched in the throat. and I'm the girl to do it