I wish I could be the type of person that could let things go. That wouldn’t let the little things in life bother me. That wouldn’t let the assholes of the world get to me. But as many of you know, it’s mostly the little things in life that make me absolutely bonkers. I went to pick up lunches and get coffee today with my friend andrea and as we were leaving somehow andrea got ahead of me and held the door for me and granted I was like 10 feet behind her and yes it was cold and snowing but this bitch said (a little too loudly) close the door. I’m pretty sure I gave myself whiplash by snapping my head around and saying are you shitting me? To which they had no response. Now anyone else would just let it go, no big deal. I on the other hand wanted to go back to flour and stomp on that bitches face. Why didn’t I, you ask? Because I go to flour every morning for my coffee. If I got thrown out of flour I would not be able to work at my job anymore. This is how integral flour ice coffee is to my day. It is what gets me out of bed in the morning. I’m not joking. I have been late and “spoken” to at work about being late because I need to go to flour everyday more times than I can remember. One might say get up earlier, or leave your house earlier, to which I reply, read the last few lines asshole! Ice coffee is the reason I get out of bed in the morning, I obviously have bigger problems than leaving my house earlier.
I have run into problems at flour before. Last week this crazy lady kept bumping from behind and finally I snapped and said AM I IN YOUR WAY??? Very loudly. And just the other day, shit I think it might have been yesterday in fact, some lady was so anxious to see what pastries they had that she had to push in front of me and my friend Rachel and then announce that she was just looking. Like that excused her pushing us out of the way. Hey lady! The pastries aren’t going anywhere asshole!
I would go somewhere else for coffee in the morning if there was a better place, but there isn’t. and if you people think I’m gonna drink dunkin donuts, you’re crazy.
I’m off to scla now, where I’m sure to get annoyed by everyone there too. this may be a two blog posting day!
Oh before I leave, here's one for the sweet baby jesus file. There’s a tiny article in the new sports illustrated (page 23) about how this fitness club called Gymbox has replaced some metal plates with human weights. Like ACTUAL people. These “liftees” wear black leotards marked with their weights. And they are doing this because a lot of their members felt that lifting metal weights was boring. And the kicker in all this is that the human plates – that’s what the owner calls them – shout encouragement to “flesh pumping” customers.
You know I’m going to be in the middle of a goddamn squat or something and think of this and kill myself tonight
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3 comments:
I used to work at Concord Teacakes. Scone bitches are the worst.
I told Eric that he should do a trial midget weight run and use me as the prototype. Instead of encouraging words I'd tell people how much they sucked donkey balls. Maybe you could help write my manual? Problem is, I just don't look good in yellow.
they wear black leotards steph!! not yellow.
I will start working on your manual now
You crack me up. I am also 32 and used to live in MA. Now I live in AZ where all the stupid assholes are. Nobody here "gets me".
Keep blogging!
-Lora
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